Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
