I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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