my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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