the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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