just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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