and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
