and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
