grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
