is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
