Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
