And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
