I just saw a hot homeless man
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
