at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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