Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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