I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
