Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
