When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
