we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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