I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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