we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
