I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
