Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize