Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
