chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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