Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
