I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
