Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
