The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
