Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
