I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
