dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
