i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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