ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
