If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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