my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
