Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
