I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
