Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
