I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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