You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
