morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
