Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't deserve a penis
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
