your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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