O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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