Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
