Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
