Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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