i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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