You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
