I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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