This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
