i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
