do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
