i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
