People in love make me want to vomit
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
