Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
