he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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