bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
