Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
