I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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