I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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