She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to make out with him forever
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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