I want to make a zoo with you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
