well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
