you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
