What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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