You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
