how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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