Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
